Watching Over You

Little Man, our bedtime routine is something I cherish.

Every night, you have your bath. You love to splash and play with toys in the water.

I put on your pajamas, and sing to you. On the rare occasion I forget to sing, you kindly remind me. And once I start to sing your favorite song, you break into a huge smile for me. I love that you recognize the song I’ve been singing to you since you were in the womb.

I nurse you and caress your sweet head. I love watching your marshmallow cheeks sweetly bobbing and your eyelashes fluttering on your face. Any hint of tension melts off of your brow as you’re lulled into a blissful state.

Your sound machine fills the room with the patter of rain as I place you gently in your crib. You always stretch and rearrange your arms behind your head.

I give you kisses on your forehead and make sure you can hear me whisper “I love you”.

I always say a prayer by your bedside. Never have I felt so strongly that I am communicating with God when I pray until you came into my life, dear son.

As I switch off the light, I can hear you sigh and settle into sleep.

For the first time all day, I have “me” time. I can get wrapped up in a good book, watch a show, finish cleaning up… but always in the back of my mind is the thought: “is he doing ok?”

So at some point I sneak up to check on you.

Why does the house make more noise when you’re sleeping? Every single stair has its own creak to break the silence and risk waking you. Every step across the landing has me holding my breath, hoping I haven’t just startled you. You always sleep right through, though.

When I get to your crib, my eyes adjust to the darkness until I can see your tiny sweet form nestled in the middle. I reach out my hand to your belly and gently wait for your breath to fill it up… there. And again. (Whew, you’re ok.) Then, to sneak out again as silently.

I love knowing that my heart is sleeping soundly, tucked away in a safe place. I love when you sleep because only then can I rest. But I also look forward to when you’re awake again, so I can hug you tight, see your smiling face, and feel you gripping onto me like a baby monkey as I carry you on my hip. I’m always excited about what adventures tomorrow will bring. I look forward to meeting them with you.

Sleep sweet, Little Man.