Stress and Little Man Update

I need something.

I'm not sure what it is.

Currently I'm stressed out big time. I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm planning out what Christmas gifts to get for everyone, cleaning the house in preparation for company, painting the laundry room door and all of the cabinet doors, making a stocking for my son, trying to go through piles of giveaway items, and to top it off, Little Man is now in a phase where if I leave the room (or even move three feet away from him) he starts to cry the saddest little cry. You would think that you've just told him he can't have any more hugs for the rest of his life or something. He looks down and cries every so cutely into his lap and can only be consoled by being picked up, at which point he sniffles and sighs and rests his head on your shoulder in a way that makes you want to say "ok, I won't ever put you down again, I promise". This can be problematic.

For one, it's difficult, not to mention extremely unsafe, to prepare food other than yogurt (and by prepare I mean take it out of the fridge and grab a spoon) while holding a baby. Don't worry, I put him down for these moments. And there is much crying.

Whenever the dog needs to be fed, it's very difficult to open up a bag of dog food, measure a scoop out, bring it over to the dog bowl, and put the scoop back into the bag in the pantry while holding a baby. Much faster and easier just to hear crying for 30 seconds (if that).

When I have to use the restroom, I put him down in a safe place. Not on the bed - because I know the ONE time I do this will be the ONE time he rolls over and over and then OFF the bed and get hurt - but on the floor with toys or in his little bouncer seat nearby. I've heard of moms who, at one point or another, hold their screaming baby while taking care of business, but I haven't gone there yet and I hope to never have to.

Whenever I need to get housework done: sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms or kitchen counter, doing the dishes (Really really not possible with one hand. Even loading/unloading the dishwasher doesn't work because the baby makes a fun game of lunging at and trying to grab whatever you're holding.), cleaning up pet messes, and doing laundry all involve putting down the baby.

Dusting, however, is possible to do while carrying baby on the hip, as long as you're not using any sprays or chemicals. I will say it's a nice workout holding a squirming 17 lb kid on one hip while reaching up and around everything with a duster.

So maybe that's contributing to my stress. Trying to get so many things done in short periods interrupted by fussing, crying, and screaming.

It may be hard to tell from this post so far, but I'm actually having a lot of fun with Little Man. He's been very interactive lately, and loves reading books with me. Well he's 7 months old, so "reading" to him means sitting in Mommy's lap and looking at/fiddling with/trying to eat the book while saying "aaahhhh ahhhh oh oooooo aaaahhh". It works, though.

He's starting to roll everywhere. I've been waiting for this step for a few months now, but in the last couple of days he's been rolling over-and-over-and-over until he hits an obstacle (entertainment center, coffee table, ottoman, my foot) and then cries. It's kind of funny, and I almost feel bad laughing about it, but it's so darn cute too. He'll be lying there on his back, perfectly content with crinkling/shaking/chewing on/fiddling with a toy of his, and then all of a sudden he isn't satisfied. He gets bored. So "talking" very loudly and pointedly, he'll roll onto his belly. This upsets him. So he keeps going in the same direction and rolls back onto his back. Now he's confused. He isn't where he was. He may begin to cry. He keeps rolling. By the time he's moved a few feet, he's distracted himself again with the new scenery and is happy to play. I'm not sure that he understands yet about HOW he got from A to B, but he'll figure it out soon enough.

Crawling is further away. He's up on all fours and will rock forward and back, like he's about to launch or something, but then rolls to one side and onto his back. Sometimes I use my phone as an incentive for him. It's the thing that no matter what, he will stop what he's doing, almost audibly go "oooo" and reach for it... and try to put it into his mouth.

I'm actually really looking forward to crawling. I'm sure I'll get a lot less done, but I think it will bring us parents into a whole new category of parenting, and I'm looking forward to it.

I'm not really sure how to cohesively end this post, but it was good to get my thoughts out. If you read this far, thanks. I'll try to post more frequently. :)

Watching Over You

Little Man, our bedtime routine is something I cherish.

Every night, you have your bath. You love to splash and play with toys in the water.

I put on your pajamas, and sing to you. On the rare occasion I forget to sing, you kindly remind me. And once I start to sing your favorite song, you break into a huge smile for me. I love that you recognize the song I’ve been singing to you since you were in the womb.

I nurse you and caress your sweet head. I love watching your marshmallow cheeks sweetly bobbing and your eyelashes fluttering on your face. Any hint of tension melts off of your brow as you’re lulled into a blissful state.

Your sound machine fills the room with the patter of rain as I place you gently in your crib. You always stretch and rearrange your arms behind your head.

I give you kisses on your forehead and make sure you can hear me whisper “I love you”.

I always say a prayer by your bedside. Never have I felt so strongly that I am communicating with God when I pray until you came into my life, dear son.

As I switch off the light, I can hear you sigh and settle into sleep.

For the first time all day, I have “me” time. I can get wrapped up in a good book, watch a show, finish cleaning up… but always in the back of my mind is the thought: “is he doing ok?”

So at some point I sneak up to check on you.

Why does the house make more noise when you’re sleeping? Every single stair has its own creak to break the silence and risk waking you. Every step across the landing has me holding my breath, hoping I haven’t just startled you. You always sleep right through, though.

When I get to your crib, my eyes adjust to the darkness until I can see your tiny sweet form nestled in the middle. I reach out my hand to your belly and gently wait for your breath to fill it up… there. And again. (Whew, you’re ok.) Then, to sneak out again as silently.

I love knowing that my heart is sleeping soundly, tucked away in a safe place. I love when you sleep because only then can I rest. But I also look forward to when you’re awake again, so I can hug you tight, see your smiling face, and feel you gripping onto me like a baby monkey as I carry you on my hip. I’m always excited about what adventures tomorrow will bring. I look forward to meeting them with you.

Sleep sweet, Little Man.

Happenings

Things are nice in my neck of the woods these days.

There’s a happy 5-month-old Little Man bouncing around the house. (Ok, kind of scooching. Almost rolling. And so close to sitting.)

Our house has gotten easier to look at on the inside. The 80s are indeed on their way out the door. Quite literally. This fabulous specimen was my least favorite piece in the house:

I only had to look at it for a year and a half before we replaced it with something much prettier. I originally had daydreams of doing to it what the guys in Office Space did to their copier. I'd like to link to a video of it but I can't find an uncensored one, and I'd like to keep this blog clean. Suffice to say they completely destroyed it in a field somewhere and left it alone to think about what it had done. I realize how unnecessarily angry I sound, but believe me, you would have some resentment too if you had to look at this thing every day for 15 months.

But I never went through with it. I realized that it never actively did me any harm (except eye strain, maybe), so I let it go semi-peacefully. I may have shot it a dirty look. I don’t think it was too emotionally damaged. (There I go, anthropomorphizing again. I think I may have issues.)

The weather is getting chillier, and I was finally able to put the down comforter on the bed (yay!). Thick, snuggly tube socks can be worn about the house, and one tends to get cravings for soups, homemade breads, and hot cups of tea.

Dear Husband is happy with my new hobby: cooking! I’ve found it’s incredibly therapeutic (not to mention tastier, cheaper, and usually healthier) to cook. I’m a little ashamed to admit that it took me this long to start getting involved in cooking and baking, but what can I say, I’m here now. And loving it. I love the feeling of making something new, making the house smell amazing, cleaning up the main living areas, and generally making the house look like Martha Stewart breezed through, adding little touches here and there… Ok, so I’m exaggerating. It pretty much never looks like that. But I do try to make it inviting and nice for when DH gets home. It’s amazing how sitting down at the table and having real, adult conversation every night can make you feel sane. And these days, just getting to the dinner table feels like a huge accomplishment.

So far this week I’ve been making dishes using recipes from this fabulous blog. I’ve made the Creamy Chicken Taquitos, the Peanut Butter Blondies, and the Blondie-Brownies. The jury is still out on the Blondie-brownies, as they are currently still cooling on my stovetop, but the taquitos were amazing. I messed up on the peanut butter blondies, but they turned out ok still. I’m really not a fan of blondies, but DH sure loves them and so do his coworkers! Talk about a great way to lose a batch of baked goods in a day. Great for trying out recipes and not having to worry about the results taunting me with temptation for the rest of the week.


Later this week I’m planning on making Gnocchi and trying out the “Perfect Sear on Chicken” Technique. I'm also waiting until Saturday to try out the Cookies and Cream Cheesecake Cupcakes because then I can bring them to my dear friend's birthday party and unleash their fattening power on unsuspecting party guests (mwa ha ha ha!). I don't dare keep them in the house. I'm afraid I'll gain 5 pounds just by looking at them.


That's all for now. Happy October!

Accomplishments

Some days you feel motivated.

Some days, you don’t.

Yesterday I was super-mom. I cleaned the floors, the bathrooms, the kitchen, did 5 loads of laundry, did the dishes, baked cookies, and drew some artwork to hang up in the master bathroom, all while taking care of a 4 month old.

Today I took care of a 4 month old.

Little Man discovered a new toy today: the red rattle ball (at least, that's what I'm calling it).



And I realized just how amazing this is. That I sit here now and watch my son discover new things.




That just over 4 months ago, I wasn't sure how well I was going to do at this whole "mom" business.



That just over a year ago, I didn't even know that this little man existed. And now, he's my whole world.



Today, I didn't feel bad that nothing major got accomplished in the household. Because that's not true. Today I played with my son. I watched him grow and learn.



So much has been accomplished here, and it needs to be recognized. And not taken lightly.



Today I have appreciated this love and joy that fills the house now to the point where it's overflowing. Today I have enjoyed time with my son.



And I think he's enjoyed today with me, too.

Infant Playgroup and Napping

I am in the debate period of the day.

The debate being, once the baby is asleep, should I:

(a)    Get things done around the house, or

(b)   Try to sleep myself

The debate comes from the knowledge that I am incredibly tired. It seems like (b) is the obvious choice here. I lay down and get some rest, I wake up when the baby does, I am a better mother for being more rested and my baby becomes happier for having a happier mother, right? Except when I wake up and see that the house is still messy and so much needs doing that I just want to freak out, I’m not a better mother due to my stress level and the baby needs me now that he’s awake, so there’s no way to clean the house and satisfy the baby. I’m looking at dirty house and happy baby or clean house and screaming baby.

My husband can tell you which one I always end up picking: 9 times out of 10, when he gets home I am on the floor playing with the baby and the house looks like a tornado. Does he complain or get mad at me for being here all day and “getting nothing done”? No. No, he doesn’t. My amazing husband is the type to get right down on the floor with the rest of his family and play along. That’s why I married him.

Right now, my sweet little boy is snoring oh-so-peacefully in his car seat with his best Winston Churchill face on.

I’ll pick up some things, straighten others, until I look over and notice that he’s awake and watching me. I always wonder how long he’s been awake and just staring at me.

Earlier today, we had a nice jog around the neighborhood with the dog in tow. 

I managed to do a few loads of laundry and dishes, and generally straighten up the main living areas. We then went to our usual library playgroup, which Little Man is enjoying much more these days. 

We sing songs, read board books, and play with toys. The older kids (all under the age of 2) run around ringing bells and banging on drums while the moms enjoy adult conversation and try not to rupture an eardrum.

I’m very thankful to have a place to take Little Man for some social interaction with children close to his own age, and I enjoy getting out of the house and being with people MY own age. This situation can get a bit tricky, however. When you have new moms coming together, they really have nothing to break the ice with except to talk about the kids. “How old is (s)he?” “Oh, he’s big!” or “Wow, sitting up already!” and so on. The problem is, this is prime territory for one-upper mom to strike. You and another mom are just talking about when your respective babies hit their milestones and BAM, just like that, you’re talking to one-upper mom. “Oh, my kid’s been trying to sit up for 2 months now!” “Oh, my kid’s been teething since he was born!” “My kid’s first smile was in utero!” and so on. No matter what you say, her baby has been doing it better for longer. You peek over her shoulder to view this mini entrepreneur and have a hard time imagining that this tiny drooling thing has his own tap dance routine figured out already.

I don’t think one-upper mom means any harm. The conversation started out innocently enough. As new moms cooped up in our houses with these new people completely dependent on us, it’s hard not to get a little mama-bear-crazy and defensive at times. We lose a little of our social graces in exchange for the ability to wipe drool away like ninjas and watch out for signs of a baby meltdown. So when we emerge from our houses with our 4 month olds in tow, we find ourselves better able to interact with our babies than with people our own age. We’re out of practice. It’s tempting to proclaim your child the best, the cutest, the most active, the smartest. But for society’s sake, we need to cool it, use our better judgment, and actually listen to that tiny voice inside the head. Infant playgroup is not just for the infants. It’s a place for new moms to develop their social interactions as well.

It’s also fantastic for inducing long afternoon naps when all else has failed, enabling me to get some things done around the house. (Yawn.)

Mom Law # 34: Make the Best Chocolate Chip Cookies

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, to be exact.

I've never had much luck in the past with baking cookies. They're always either completely undone or burned. Then I learned that once you take them out of the oven, they're still baking. I have now perfected a certain recipe and decide to make it from time to time when Husband has been good. J

Today started off as a gorgeous rainy day. To put this into perspective, I can count the number of times it has rained this summer on one hand. We awoke to the wonderful sound of rain pattering on the roof and whooshing through trees. There was also a strange tapping noise which upon further inspection proved to be rain leaking through an air vent in the roof. Luckily, we caught it quickly and disaster was averted.






After the rain stopped, the air outside was left at a considerably cooler 85 degrees and we settled into a lovely lazy overcast Sunday. I decided that now was the time to make THE COOKIES. (Here is the part where I'm super awesome and share with you the fantastic-ness of this recipe.)





Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

Ingredients:

½ cup solid vegetable shortening

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

¾ cup sugar

¾ cup firmly pressed dark brown sugar

2 eggs

1 3.4 oz package of instant vanilla pudding mix

1 tbsp vanilla extract

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp water

1 tsp ground cinnamon

½ tsp ground nutmeg

½ tsp salt

1 cup old fashioned oats

2 ¼ cups all purpose flour

1 12 oz package semisweet chocolate chips


 
Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F
   
2. Butter heavy large cooking sheets
   
3. Beat vegetable shortening and unsalted butter in large bowl until light
   
4. Gradually add white and brown sugars and beat until fluffy
   
5. Add eggs one at a time and beat well after each
   
6. Add vanilla pudding mix, vanilla extract, baking soda, water, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, and salt
   
7. Mix until well blended
   
8. Mix in oats
   
9. Mix in flour
   
10. Mix in chocolate chips
    
11. Drop by large rounded spoonfuls (3 tbsp each) onto cookie sheet, about 2 inches apart
    
12. Bake until they appear dry and the tops are lightly cracked and soft, about 12 minutes (Keep a close eye on them until you get to know your own oven, as they are done for me at 11 minutes.)
    
13. Cool 5 minutes on sheets, then transfer to racks to cool
    

This recipe makes about 36 cookies, the way I make them. This does not include the dough lost to sneaking Husband hands when I'm looking the other way. I think it's always a safe bet to make way more than you need because invariably, somewhere in the cooling process several cookie comrades will disappear.


Other wonderful things about today include beautiful flowers from Husband



And of course, companions in the kitchen